Hurt
Have you ever experienced a time in your life when you felt absolutely and completely betrayed?
To give your whole trust & love to someone and in the end learn that all that was played with and taken advantage of?
To fully and wholeheartedly love without reason & unconditionally, only to be hurt by the person you thought would never hurt you.
However, before I continue, let me tell you that I'm not all perfect myself. I have been in the shoes of the betrayer & now it's sinking in that I am the betrayed. The amount of hurt I feel is indescribable.
Well, I've been hurt.
It's the kind of hurt that makes you doubt everything that you ever knew, to doubt your very self & doubt that you would ever move on from the scars. You fear you would never open up your heart completely to someone new & you're afraid of letting anybody in because after multiple times of betrayal, from any aspect, the scars & memories of it will never go away.
"Scars are indicators of where we've been, but they don't have to dictate where we're going". I know this might be true, but what if the scars are so paralysing that you don't want to move forward? It's hard to feel this guarded especially when you've met someone who is amazing in your future & he loves you with all his heart but you're afraid to open up your own because you think you're going to get betrayed by him too.
Being betrayed by friends are hard because "friends are the family that you choose to have". So when you've let these people in, you choose for them to be there. This is the decision that you have made for yourself and if things go wrong, then you only have yourself to blame. Your initial instincts about a person is when you look at them and talk to them and something in your heart just says, "you can't be with this person". That's the voice inside me that I always choose to ignore because I think that I judge a person too quickly. Sometimes it's good to ignore that little voice in your heart because sometimes, people might give bad first impressions, but sometimes, you should listen to your heart because we are all primitive by nature & our basic instinct is self preservation.
To have a person that you call friend is an amazing blessing, but when that blessing turns into a curse, you don't really know how to overcome that. I've been betrayed by many friends & some perhaps I've let go before the betrayal began. At the end of it, I can count the number of friends I have with one hand. In all honestly, I'm glad that I can count them with one hand because it shows how much they truly mean to me. Halfway through MI I've matured & came with the realisation that I don't need many friends to be happy. Yes, I might not have had the best family, but having too many people you call friends just adds on to the drama & eventually betrayal. I'm so over that. I'm done with putting up a front & pretending that I care/ even like them. If I don't like you, means I don't like you & I wouldn't want you in my life. Simple as that. Some people will tell me, "you never know when you might need their help" well you know what, I would never even consider them as the first people to go to for help. I'd rather save myself from the unnecessary drama & move on with my life as simple & uncomplicated as I want it to be.
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", but what happens when they're one and the same?
Being betrayed by your loved ones is the hardest of them all. You trust them with every inch of your body & you surrendered your whole life into their hands. For them to take that & then crush it, is something that you can never be repaired from. It causes you to doubt love & anyone else that comes along who says they care. You guard yourself so tightly that you don't let anyone in & you're afraid to love again.
When you love someone, it's okay to get insecure at times & get jealous, it's also our basic instinct to protect what is ours. Yes, it might sound very caveman like but women have a maternal instinct to protect their offspring & also protect their relationships & home. Men have the barbaric instinct to protect what is theirs & that includes the person they love. All this is fine, but when your partner starts making you doubt your own instincts, you know something is wrong. If he/she truly loves you with all their heart & wants to keep you in their life, they won't make you doubt yourself. They will elevate you & help you achieve your dreams. They will be that pillar of support to guide you, protect you & encourage you when you feel that everything is falling apart. They should prevent you from chasing your dreams & they sound never EVER make you doubt your instincts about someone else.
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye", but what happens if that itself is being doubted?
To give your whole trust & love to someone and in the end learn that all that was played with and taken advantage of?
To fully and wholeheartedly love without reason & unconditionally, only to be hurt by the person you thought would never hurt you.
However, before I continue, let me tell you that I'm not all perfect myself. I have been in the shoes of the betrayer & now it's sinking in that I am the betrayed. The amount of hurt I feel is indescribable.
Well, I've been hurt.
It's the kind of hurt that makes you doubt everything that you ever knew, to doubt your very self & doubt that you would ever move on from the scars. You fear you would never open up your heart completely to someone new & you're afraid of letting anybody in because after multiple times of betrayal, from any aspect, the scars & memories of it will never go away.
"Scars are indicators of where we've been, but they don't have to dictate where we're going". I know this might be true, but what if the scars are so paralysing that you don't want to move forward? It's hard to feel this guarded especially when you've met someone who is amazing in your future & he loves you with all his heart but you're afraid to open up your own because you think you're going to get betrayed by him too.
Being betrayed by friends are hard because "friends are the family that you choose to have". So when you've let these people in, you choose for them to be there. This is the decision that you have made for yourself and if things go wrong, then you only have yourself to blame. Your initial instincts about a person is when you look at them and talk to them and something in your heart just says, "you can't be with this person". That's the voice inside me that I always choose to ignore because I think that I judge a person too quickly. Sometimes it's good to ignore that little voice in your heart because sometimes, people might give bad first impressions, but sometimes, you should listen to your heart because we are all primitive by nature & our basic instinct is self preservation.
To have a person that you call friend is an amazing blessing, but when that blessing turns into a curse, you don't really know how to overcome that. I've been betrayed by many friends & some perhaps I've let go before the betrayal began. At the end of it, I can count the number of friends I have with one hand. In all honestly, I'm glad that I can count them with one hand because it shows how much they truly mean to me. Halfway through MI I've matured & came with the realisation that I don't need many friends to be happy. Yes, I might not have had the best family, but having too many people you call friends just adds on to the drama & eventually betrayal. I'm so over that. I'm done with putting up a front & pretending that I care/ even like them. If I don't like you, means I don't like you & I wouldn't want you in my life. Simple as that. Some people will tell me, "you never know when you might need their help" well you know what, I would never even consider them as the first people to go to for help. I'd rather save myself from the unnecessary drama & move on with my life as simple & uncomplicated as I want it to be.
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", but what happens when they're one and the same?
Being betrayed by your loved ones is the hardest of them all. You trust them with every inch of your body & you surrendered your whole life into their hands. For them to take that & then crush it, is something that you can never be repaired from. It causes you to doubt love & anyone else that comes along who says they care. You guard yourself so tightly that you don't let anyone in & you're afraid to love again.
When you love someone, it's okay to get insecure at times & get jealous, it's also our basic instinct to protect what is ours. Yes, it might sound very caveman like but women have a maternal instinct to protect their offspring & also protect their relationships & home. Men have the barbaric instinct to protect what is theirs & that includes the person they love. All this is fine, but when your partner starts making you doubt your own instincts, you know something is wrong. If he/she truly loves you with all their heart & wants to keep you in their life, they won't make you doubt yourself. They will elevate you & help you achieve your dreams. They will be that pillar of support to guide you, protect you & encourage you when you feel that everything is falling apart. They should prevent you from chasing your dreams & they sound never EVER make you doubt your instincts about someone else.
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye", but what happens if that itself is being doubted?
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